Over the past few months, I have been preoccupied with work. Even though it’s an office-hour job, there have been just too many things to be done. I had to stay back almost every day trying to catch up with the demanding workload. Even after work and on weekends / those days that I took leave, I couldn’t help but think about work-related matters. Sometimes I had to continue communicating with patients, their families and other department colleagues after work or on days off. Amidst such a routine, I still tried to pray daily and still read at least one page of the Bible daily. However, time spent with God was hurried, short and kind of formalistic. Deep inside I knew that my vital connection with God had been almost cut off.
I constantly felt both physically and mentally tired and sometimes burned out. I found myself becoming task-oriented – not enjoying work and helping the patients, but just working for the sake of completing tasks. I had forgotten God’s Word which I used to keep in my heart and tried to live out. I lost joy and peace, and also felt a lack of love and compassion towards others.
However, God has continued to be patient, faithful and good to me and my household. He helped me at work, so that the things planned and coordinated for most of the patients were carried out smoothly. He gave me opportunities to pray for some of the patients and for the family members with their permission, and also during my bedtime prayer. He provided encouragement for me through my husband who has been a “hybrid” in joining both the church he had been attending before marriage and also YCKC. His desire and pursuit for God has been an encouragement and reminder to me. God also blessed me with auntie Josephine who took up the role of “Life-on-Life” guide to me for one year, and shared valuable life experiences with me. So many blessings to count and give thanks to God.
I long to serve God. But God reminded me how could I share the joy of salvation if I myself had lost such joy, and how can I love my neighbours when I couldn’t draw love and compassion from Him?
I re-recognized the importance and need of pursuing a close relationship with God intentionally. So I tried to listen to worship songs on the way to work and sing along in my heart, which helped me find joy in remembering God. And as I spent time recalling God’s love and commandments (or rather, being reminded by Him), my perspective towards work changed. I realised my work is for God, not for man; and I was reminded to love my patients for they bear the image of God and are not just tasks to be completed.
It’s not easy to draw near to God. But thanks be to God who will never leave us nor forsake us. He promises in Deuteronomy 4:29 that we can find Him when we seek Him with all our heart and soul, and He rewards those who pursue a relationship with Him (Hebrews 11:6). He is never far away.
by sister Yin Yapei